I can tell it’s been a long time since I’ve written when my brain attempts to write in my head when I’m no where near a pad of paper. This morning was one such case. So, I thought I’d share some of my thoughts with you.
I usually ride my bike to classes. I have to otherwise I will be late and that’s frowned upon in college. This morning, I chose not to ride my bike. I’m tired of rushing around from place to place. I want to feel the ground beneath my every step. I want to take the ten minute trek to class in the brisk autumn air. I don’t want to hurry so much that I miss the sunrise, the people walking beside me, the changing colors of the leaves. I’m tired of being in a hurry.
While my alarm clock feels a bit obnoxious when it blares at 6:45 a.m., nothing beats the fall air breathing life into my lungs on the way to my 8:00 a.m. class.
How come the clearest decisions that you know need to be made sometimes are the hardest? And how come dealing with those decisions can cause more pain than you would have ever imagined?
I’m tired of busy. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t take a break. I’m tired of going from place to place to place, gasping for breath at each turn. I’m tired of the pile of work that never seems to go down. Is it almost Christmas?
I’m supposed to be able to reduce “discipleship” to a diagram, and that frustrates me. Why would I reduce something so beautifully complex to arrows and boxes? Can anyone do that? Can anyone reduce something so intangible to something humanly concrete? Should anyone do that?
Next spring I graduate. I’m terrified.
For the longest time I’ve wished that I would be more courageous. I’ve wished I would stare fear down and charge through it. I’m tired of wishing.